I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
