I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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