ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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