She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
