I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
