Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Blood and glitter go together right?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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