you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
