I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize