i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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