...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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