Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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