my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize