so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
