Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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