So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
