mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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