Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
