I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
