I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
