Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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