dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
