I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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