So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we made out on top of his cat.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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