Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
