two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize