There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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