I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
