Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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