I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize