Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
