Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
