If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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