why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
