ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
