I'm lost and stupid without you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
