the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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