I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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