We won't sleep together?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
