How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Let's paint friendship bongs
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
