Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize