theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
