Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
love makes seman taste better
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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