im about as happy as oj after his trial
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
