I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
