i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
