Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
