Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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