I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
