so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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