Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
dude. I can hear the air.
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