I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
