WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
3pm strippers are depressing
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
