Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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