he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
