FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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