in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
