in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
