My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
