Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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