I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
