1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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