Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
