I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
