apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
